Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
