do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
