Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
