dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
