I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
