I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
