Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He felt like a one man threesome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
