and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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