I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
