just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
