dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
