You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
