I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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