I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
