no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
