I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize