hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
