she woke up with a sticky ear
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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