the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
