Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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