I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize