its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
