Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You can't motorboat a personality
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
