Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize