I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
