Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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