Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
