just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm just crazy horny about you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize