Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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