whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
