I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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