Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
