Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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