I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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