32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
