i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
