I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
this will be a night to untag.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize