no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize