im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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