mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
