I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
