He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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