I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
