Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
