I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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