p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
