there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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