Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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