The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
