you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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