But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
