She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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