We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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