i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
