Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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