then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize