Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize