Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
