did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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