In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
