You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
