still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize