I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
